FANTASY FOOTBALL – YOU’RE THAT GUY
Des Boodram - @boxscoreprophet
If you play fantasy football, and I have no idea why you’d be reading this article if you didn’t – you likely fit into one of these four fantasy football personality types. Self-awareness is the new big thing, and being able to look at yourself more objectively has never been more important. This should only bother if you if it’s true.
Fringe guy comes to the draft thoroughly unprepared with a clear lack of fantasy football acumen. We put up with fringe guy because he’s seemingly easy money, but quite often fringe guy rosters a pretty good team because he’s taking the best available every time or reaching for players 2-3 rounds early that end up killing it… and that pisses you off. You have no clue why Fringe Guy even plays, and to be quite honest Fringe Guy doesn’t really know why he plays either. Chances are, if you’re reading this you are not “Fringe Guy”, but you still need to know how to deal with “Fringe Guy”. My best advices to neutralize his high reward roster is to attack him early with trade proposals in the hopes that he bites. Find out what team he looks for and offer him two for one players. Sell him on smoke and mirror stats, and if you can’t do this, the chances are you’ll be looking up to Fringe Guy in the standings.
FANTASY FOOTBALL JOCK
FFJ might be reading this article, and if so, it’s time to be honest. FFJ thinks everyone’s a sucker, but in all reality he’s the sucker, but his incessant trash talk, and dumpster fire rosters year after year are aggravating you and you don’t why. Unlike Fringe Guy, FFJ really is bad, but you fear losing to him, because you know you’ll never hear the end of it. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut, so its only a matter of time before you get beat by FFJ even though you out projected him by 35 points. Fantasy Football Jock is predictable and because you know he’s good for 2-3 homer picks if there’s anyone you want that’s on his fave team, you better be froggy with that player. At the end of the day Fantasy Football Jock is harmless, but damn you hate quivering in fear at the prospect of losing to him.
BETTER OFFER GUY
This guys in my opinion is the worst. He’ll join the league, take up a roster spot, pay dues late if at all, and bolt sometime between the end of the draft and Week 2. You reach out to him on the text line or electronic mail, but you’re spinning your wheels. No response is viable, and deep down you know he’s a schmuck because his excuse is weak, and you don’t want to berate someone over fantasy football. He simply has better offers in his life that he’d rather pursue and honoring commitments is like speaking Greek. The saddest part about Better Offer Guy, is that this overflows into their life so you’re not really surprised that it happened in your fantasy football league. You invite him out on Friday night and he seems down to go, but won’t commit. He’s simply waiting for a better offer so when he takes that up, he can remind you that he never fully committed. I don’t blame you for wanting to beat an apology out of him, but I do blame you for allowing him back in your league every year.
FANTASY IS LIFE GUY
This guy has every draft board publication in existence, follows all the fantasy football experts on social media, and plays in a dozen different leagues. Fantasy is Life guys spends way too much money on fantasy sports, and derives common human value from fantasy football . He works about 34 hours in a 40 hour work week, because he can’t not tell anyone who will listen about his fantasy football team or teams. He’s constantly scrolling his phone looking for all the player updates and often engages in long drawn out conversations about fantasy football. Fantasy is Life Guy is content living in mom and dad’s basement, being single or marginalizing his family and having relationships that lack any kind of depth. Some type of intervention is needed here, but then you realize it’s fantasy football, so you’ll continue with your super shallow relationship. It’s important to hear Fantasy Is Life Guy talk, because he likes to so much he often gives away strategies like who’s he’s in trade negotiations with, or thoughts on particular players. If you are this guy the highlight of your hear is upon you… but do us all a favor… please stop telling us about your fantasy football rosters and who’s on them.
Don’t get me wrong – I totally want to hear all about your fantasy football roster and who you are debating starting from week-to-week. Obviously the above labels apply to our female members and all women who bring the funk in their fantasy football leagues. Let me know if I’m missing anyone, there are honestly several sub-labels I’m leaving off… what should we call the “guy” that just brings it every year? Whose success is off the charts, but they’re also highly is sociable. Enjoy the season gamers.